(Fades in to two aircraft flying over sandy mountains, and landing on a green plain, where a jeep is dropped)
Larry: (Hoping in the driver seat) let’s see what this ton of ass kicking can do.
Greg: (Hoping in shotgun) Hanging in there Hank?
Hank: (Hopping in the gunner seat) Lets role.
(They take off with an ATV, carrying J.J, and Joeseph)
Joeseph: Joeanna Jaeger is it?
J.J: That's me.
Joeseph: Can I just call you JJ?
J.J: Sure go ahead.
(The vehicles stop, and the team gets out)
Greg: This looks like it.
Joeseph: I don't see anything.
J.J: I'll set up the equipment.
Greg: Hello Mr. Benson.
Joeseph: Good to see you again Greg.
Greg: You nervous?
Greg: Don't be, I've been in 58 missions, and half the time we didn't see any action.
Joeseph: And if we do?
Greg: Im sure nothing bad will happen if we do.
J.J: (Pondling with equipment) Alright, this way.
(The team strides forward)
(A twig snapping sound is heard and Larry turns, then moves on)
(Cuts to the team approaching a metallic settlement)
J.J: That's it. That's where one of the Acumen research teams is.
Hank: Where are they?
Greg: Probably inside.
(The team moves toward the settlement)
Larry: What's a science team doing out here?
J.J: Probably researching, to see if the environment is stable for our creatures from Earth, or to see if we are stable for the creatures here, maybe both.
Larry: Ah, now it makes sense, now I’ll finally know if those (Enters the base) nasty green Bird things taste like chicken.
(The team enters the base, to find many computers around.)
(The screen paces all ways on silence)
(Screen cuts to a devastator's view, and slowly moves around Hank)
Hank: What did I tell you Greg, nobody's home.
J.J: They...maybe they informed us that they left but didn't know we didn't receive the message, but why would they leave all this equipment and all the-
Larry: AHHHHHHHH!! GREG!! GRREEEEEEG!!
(Greg, J.J, and Joeseph, run through the halls only to run into Larry, whom is struck with fear)
Greg: What? What is it?
Joeseph: *sighs* You scared the crap outta us. What happened?
Larry: *throwing up* Ew, oh god it’s in the armor *throws up again* oh dear god, its everywhere!
Hank: Quit your bitching, what happened, and where?
Larry: In the hall... (Cuts to the side, and the team looks in a direction)...that hall.
(Greg moves into the hall)
(Greg slowly raises his head)
(Cuts back to Larry and Hank)
Larry: I have a bad feeling about this.
Hank: You should, cause I do too.
(Back to Greg, then zooms out on 7 scientist corpses in the hall)
Greg: WE GOTTA GO! NOW!!
(Suddenly, a two devastators jump out of the shadows, and attack the team)
Hank: SHIT! RUN!!
(The team begins firing at the devastators)
(Cuts outside with Joeseph sniping enemy forces, and Hank, Larry, and Greg run out of the base)
Joeseph: Right on time!
(The team begins firing at the devastators)
J.J: Hey guys-
(The team looks in her direction, cuts to her on top of a few crates fighting off three devastators)
J.J: -Little help?
(Cuts to Hank, who's grabbing a minigun, and firing at the enemy)
Joeseph: J.J, call HQ, tell them we need help!
J.J: Gotcha (Turns to radio), Pat you there, pick up the damn radio you stupid robot!
(Cuts to HQ, with a robot at one of the computers)
Pat: (In a very robotic voice) YES?
J.J: Get HQ to pick us up, the Devastators are here!
Pat: AH HELL, I NEVER WISHED TO SEE THIER UGLY FACES IN PERSON.
J.J: Sorry (Cuts back to the team and her) but were gonna freaken die if you don't get help soon!!
Pat: OK, I'M SENDING HELP AS WE SPEAK.
Pat: I’M SENDING FIRE TEAM ALPHA, THEY ARE CURRENTLY IN YOUR AREA, ALTHOUGH IT MAY TAKE A WHILE.
J.J: Rush them!
Pat: OK, BUT DON’T EXPECT THEM TO COME EARLY, THEY WILL BE HERE IN AN HOUR.
J.J: *sighs* Fine.
(Cuts back to the firefight)
(Greg throws a grenade, and a dozen of the devastators blow up)
Greg: Private Jaeger, report!
J.J: Fire Team Alpha is coming, but for now we're on our own.
(Cuts Behind a crate, revealing the teal devastator, whom rises and throws a gas grenade of some sort)
Joeseph: Ah...th-the smell...
Larry: I don't like the smell...it makes me sleepy...
Greg: No...time...to lose...we got...we got...to stay a-
(The team all goes unconscious)
(Cuts back to the inside of the base, with the team trapped inside, and devastators all around, and among them the teal one.)
Teal Devastator: Wake up.
Joeseph: Who are you.
Teal Devastator: Gol'he'fin, supreme admiral of the devastator armies.
Joeseph: What do you want?
Gol'he'fin: Your friend, where is he?
(Joeseph, turns, to find that Greg is gone, then turns back at Gol'he'fin)
Joeseph: I don't know.
(Gol'he'fin barks an order at one of his troops, who shoots at Joeseph with a beam)
Joeseph: *screams in pain* I DON'T KNOW WHERE HE IS!!
(The devastator fires again)
Joeseph: *Screams more* I DON'T KNOW!! HONEST!!
Gol'he'fin: You humans do have ally motion trackers, where is he?
Larry: A what?!
(The devastator stings Larry)
Larry: *Screams in pain* IT WAS JUST A FUCKING QUESTION!
Gol'he'fin: You are this team’s leader are you not?
Gol'he'fin: Then as a commanding officer, you have an ally motion tracker. Am I not correct?
Joeseph: Ok, im not a commanding officer, and commanding officers don't have such techno-
(The devastator stings Joeseph again, only longer)
Joeseph: *screams louder*
Gol'he'fin: Tell me, or I’ll kill all of your friends.
Hank: *Whispers* think of something.
Gol'he'fin: What was that?
Hank: Um... (Looks left)... He's in the cliffs...hiding, trying to break his...uh...tracking sensor chip...thingy.
Gol'he'fin: That's better.
Gol'he'fin: I thank you my dear Humans, (To another devastator) Dispose of them.
Larry: WHAT!? WE TOLD YOU EVERYTHING! NO NEED TO GET RID OF PERFECTLY GOOD PRISONERS!!
(Each devastator reloads, and aims at all of their faces)
Larry: Oh no! DON'T SHOOT! Uh...KREE! Uh...KAH!
(Gunfire and explosions are heard from the outside)
Devastators: *Wierd wobbling noises*
(Another devastator comes in)
Devastator: *Wobbling noises*
(The devastators charge outside into the explosions and gunfire)
Hank: What the fuck's going on out there!?
(Suddenly, Green colored troopers and Greg charge into the base)
Greg: I got fire team Alpha here to come and save you guys.
J.J: Save the details, let's go.
(The two teams charge out and kill devastators as they go)
(The teams finally reach two fighters that have landed)
Greg: (To one of the green troopers with an orange trim) I owe you one Colonel Jones, big one.
Colonel Jones: Hop in Major.
(The two fighters take off)
Dark deep Devastator voice: It appears that we have underestimated the Humans power, we are wolves, and we...must call for the whole clan, to hunt down and feast upon our prey.
(The episode ends)
- As I mentioned, Acumen laboratories is a tribute to 117649 Aberrant Render of Halofanon.com, the names are used with permission.
- The phrases, Kree, and Kah, are inside jokes on Stargate S-G1, all rights on the quotes go to the Show.